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The 10 Types of People Who Work for a Whiskey Magazine
Working for a whiskey magazine sounds pretty cool, right? There are definitely perks and benefits… but there are also some unique aspects to being on the inside. Specifically, the people you will be dealing with. Publishing a kick-ass whiskey magazine is not a hobby, it's actual work. To that point, there are workplace dynamics that come into play. So, grab a quick drink and enjoy this lighthearted look on what really goes on behind closed doors.
All-Knowing Editor – A vampire, spellcheck machine, and ninja all wrapped up into one package. Lives on the life-force of bad writers, strong coffee, whiskey, and the sheer willpower to reject bad articles for revision. Knows how to make it look like an “accident”.
Web Page Mercenaries – Technical wizards rarely seen during the day and are usually found in a dark cave filled with complex technical equipment. Able to restart a remote server in mere moments, fix broken links in a matter of minutes, and will get to your vanity change requests when they want to (several days). Knows your passwords and web history. Sicko.
Undiscovered Genius Chef – Can cook circles around any TV chef that you choose. Flawlessly pairs food and drink while presenting plates with style. Probably has a boring corporate job and takes their frustration out on chopping up ingredients. Judges your inferior food choices but is nice enough to not saying anything. Probably will give you side eye when you order.
Mad Scientist Mixologist – An amateur bartender that will make you the best tasting drink that you’ve ever had. Has tasted just about every single spirit ever produced. Encyclopedic knowledge of the history and recipes of mixed drinks. Never indulges in flair bartending.
Prima Donna Writer – Never satisfied. Requires heavy editing. Turns in 15,000+ word articles that ramble on and on and on and on… Writes both the best and worst content ever seen. Can cry on command and uses that talent often. The arch-nemesis of the All-Knowing Editor.
Fresh Faced Assistant Editor – Hasn’t been worn down from constant battle. Doesn’t yet have a key to the room where everyone else goes to cry. Still believes there is good in everyone. However, edits with a razor-sharp eye and doesn’t care about your feelings. Usually, the one who has to deal with the Prima Donna.
Researchers and Contributors - The Real Heroes. The strongest part of any magazine team are the people who contribute research to articles. Often unsung, sometimes left off the byline, but always appreciated… these are the ones who help make the magic happen. Hates working with the Prima Donna.
Omnipotent Whiskey Reviewer – A super-taster who can translate the sensory experience of drinking different whiskey into words. Can make or break brands in a single sentence. Cheeky enough to work “wet dog” as a tasting reference in a whiskey review. Not a mistake that they chose the job that gets them access to all the whiskey. Has a favorite whiskey that you’ve probably never heard of.
Doctor Professor Whiskey – The whiskey writer who is intimately connected to the whiskey industry. On a first name basis with everyone at the distillery, knows the right spots in the rickhouse, and knows about personnel changes before they happen. First toy as a child was a bourbon barrel stave. Has a secret collection of branded t-shirts. Judges your choice in whiskey.
Hope you enjoyed this look at the secret society inside of your favorite whiskey publication. It takes a lot of work to make the magic happen. However, there is a bonus type of person you’ll find at your favorite whiskey publication…
Management – The Chief of the Tribe. The Head of State. The Boss. Commander of the Troops. The Kingpin of the Syndicate. No matter what title you give them, it’s the person with the chutzpah and vision to run the show. The job mostly entails motivating people who constantly drink whiskey to hit a deadline. Does this difficult job purely for the love of whiskey. Has heard every excuse as to why your article is late, so don’t even try it.